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gonna quit my job & cross the border;

Today I got offered an au pair job in Verona, Italy.

The family seems WONDERFUL. They are so sweet.. and so BEAUTIFULLY Italian. They have 3 young children.. Nicola, Elena & Fabrizia. We spoke on skype, and I showed them my ukulele.. they weren't sure what one was. IT WAS SO CUTE. I love them.

It surprises me though, how NOT surprised I am that they picked me. Like, it seems surreal, but at the same time it feels like it was going to happen all along, you know. I don't know.

They want me to wait until the end of this month or so before letting them know my final decision. They want me to weigh all the options because they I guess are worried I'll get homesick or something or be unhappy or whatnot. I get that. So now I am having to contact the other families I've spoken to and be like uhhh idk where you are on the decision making process but... I can't be your au pair GAHH IM SO SORRY I FEEL LIKE A HORRIBLE PERSON. It is seriously like a knife through my heart saying no to these people. Even though I wasn't offered anything for real for real except for by this one family today. I love them all and I haven't met any of them. Maybe I should just BE Mary Poppins and fly around underneath an umbrella and whip my ukulele and a kiddie pool out of my hippie style bigger on the inside bag. Seriously though. I am emailing this one guy right now, and my heart is breaking. Even though I don't think I want to be the au pair for his family, my soul weeps at telling him no. Every time that happens, I feel like I've missed an opportunity. Is that weird? I mean, I can't say no to EVERYONE.

And ever since I saw the first photo of these kids (the Verona kids) I was like.. I want those kids. They are SO FRICKIN CUTE.

There is one family I am holding out for though.. maybe 2. I need to hear back from them both before I make my FINAL final decision. I never thought this would be so difficult..

AND. And. There is also a lady in Ireland who might want me. That just throws a huge wrench in all this. I am really trying to advocate for her to just take me out of the applicant pool for January, and allow me to be her family's au pair starting in August 2012. Which would be amazing because the Verona peeps want me until the end of July! Annnnd the Ireland lady likes to keep her au pairs through an entire school year, but she says that a semester length would be fine as well. So yeah. Things are taking shape.

My stomach is doing somersaults, but I think I am moving to Italy in January.

sing for me;

It has just now occurred to me that if I go to Italy in January, which I damn well better be, then I won't have a REAL job.. which means that AT LONG LAST I CAN FINALLY DYE THAT PINK STREAK IN MY HAIR.

Yet another perk of hauling ass out of here.

In other news, I started my second job today. Yay retail. It seems like its going to be fine once I get used to everything. The people there seem nice.
But.. my schedule..
I got my schedule for the next couple weeks, and I basically know my current job schedule.. and ...


its a lot.
I am a bit overwhelmed.

I will basically never have time to hang out with anyone EVER because I will always be exhausted or at work.
BASICALLY, this is going to be a repeat of what this past school year was, except 2 times the jobs and minus the school.

Buh.

I can hopefully do it though. I've done things that were difficult in the past. lol.

I am really thankful to have both jobs though, for real. It'll really help me save money so that when I go to Italy or NYC or whatnot, I will be able to not be broke, hopefully. Yay.
All for now. I'm probably going to fall asleep soon.

power to go;

So I've spoken to several Italian (and Irish and British) families about this aupair thing!!! :DD I am so stoked about this potential experience.

Family A: A mom and a daughter in someplace called Castellammare. Its apparently close to Pompeii and Naples.

Family B: A mom, a dad, 2 daughters and a son. Dublin, Ireland.

Family C: A mom, a dad, a son, and 2 daughters in ROME.

Family D: A mom, a dad, 2 daughters, and a baby girl in TUSCANY.

GAHHH. I am gasming over this as we speak. Every day I flip out a little more if I get another email from any of them.
Its kind of weird though, because like.. I just want one of the families to be like OK WE WANT YOU FOR SURE. And then I can agree or disagree to that. And then I can get a visa. I looked up a lot of things today about how to do that.
But between now and then, I don't really know what to say in these emails.. I already know what a day in my life would be with all of these people. They've given me a lot of details and I know what they look like and I have their references... and I JUST WANT TO BE CLAIMED. Also, right now, I am very calm about the idea of like.. moving to another country in a hot second.

But.

I am well aware of the fact that the closer it gets to this time (if it even happens), the more I am going to freak out. I am going to be a hot mess when I leave for this.

BUT HOW FUN IT COULD BE. GAHHHHH. So much anticipation for this ambiguous opportunity...

I can't even imagine how much I could grow from something like this. Who knows where I will be after. Who knows what I might do with my life. This is what I want though, right now. This is how I want to make the most out of the time I have. I CAN MAKE FRIENDS IN OTHER COUNTRIES. HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE. It'll be like that movie where Mary-Kate & Ashley go to Italy. (There is a movie like that, right?! Probably.) Anyway. This might be the best thing I've ever done. Just sayin.

-----------------

“So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we’ll never know most of them. But even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.” —Stephen Chbosky

shining, shimmering, splendid;

Okay! Well. Its time to write some real life words on this thing and not stupid momentary emo words.

Work is going alright.. I am slowly getting used to catering, and I guess I just have to get in a groove where I can be chill yet meticulous about it and stuff. I am getting there..
And I got a second job at a trendy clothing store for little girls. The manager there seems quite nice, and I am probs going to be doing about 20hrs. a week there. It'll give me the opportunity to add something to my resume while making a bit of extra cash! So yay for that. I think. I'm a little intimidated by the idea of having 2 jobs, but I have definitely been busy for more hours a week than I am about to be (with school, theatre, and work in the past) so hopefully it'll be okay and enjoyable.

I just sat outside for like an hour and spoke to Erin Mayfield on the phone about life and stuff. And we sat there talking about how we want to NOT settle down and go to other countries and stuff. And as I sat there, I looked at the countless amounts of lightning bugs flying around me, and I decided that as much as I want to get the hell out of here and see the world, I also need to realize the beauty that is right here. I can't waste my time here wishing to be somewhere else.

I do like it here. Its cool. But I am ready to move on.

Which is why I have decided that I would love to spend some months or a year or something in Italy working as an aupair. This would be pretty ideal, because it would allow me to have a kind of job and make money, have a safe & comfy place to stay and a nice family to help me not be lost and stuff, and at the same time I would get to LIVE IN A NEW COUNTRY and become accustomed to a completely different culture and stuff.
The reason I feel I have put off so many varying Europe plans is because I am worried I won't be satisfied with the experience I have there. I want to get to KNOW Europe, not be rushed through it. I want to do it right. And I think that for me, this might be the answer to that. :) I hope. I really want this to work out.

So that is the news.
There are also things that are more realistic that I am looking forward to such as going parasailing this summer, hopefully going to see Adele in concert the day after my birthday, going to Carowinds, and things like that. I need to make the most of the rest of my time in North Carolina, because I am pretty determined at this point to get out of here in January.

I hope I can do it.
I hope that when that time comes, I will have the strength to make it happen.

Goodnight all.

365 thoughts (7)

I wish I let myself go sometimes. Just shed my inhibitions and be as me as I can be around everyone. I wish I wasn't so easily intimidated by people. I wish I didn't have reason to be. I wish I were able to shed my inhibitions so I could be myself from the beginning and get to know everyone I love from afar.
I feel like there are way too many people in my life who I will never get close to because I won't let myself.
Sometimes I wish I were different.
Last night I went to bed at 9:30 and DID NOT CARE THAT I WAS LAME.
Tonight is one of those nights where I feel like I could stay up until like 4am and still be happy tomorrow even though I have to get up at 6 for work. Whatever. I'm sure I'll go to bed in like an hour anyway because I am overly responsible (aka, lame) when it comes to days I have to work at early o'clock.
I don't know what this blog is trying to be about.
I think I prepare more for Valentine's Day than I do for any other holiday. Its a little bit random, as someone who has never been PROPERLY in love, but whatever y'all.
Are journalism majors allowed to become psychologists?
.. Or personal stylists?
..! Maybe I should be a life coach for women who focuses on self esteem through style and overcoming your troubled past.
Is that too specific?
Or.. too NOT A THING?

I really like my sex & gender class even though I never take notes and always play Sudoku in there. I do pay attention. It might turn me into a feminist.. or a Jordi more so.. haha. ;)

OHMYGOD I MISS ERIN.
And I randomly (tonight) started missing people I haven't seen or talked too in a really long time, like theatre people from days gone by.
But honestly like, I feel like they made me into who I am so I guess letting go of something that strong and influential is difficult, especially since I haven't gotten to see a CFRT show in so long or anything..

Also, I am rewatching Friends, and it is making me remember how much I loved Jennifer Aniston when I was a child. She was probably the first mainstream actress I ever looked up to.

OMG Y'ALL I JUST LEARNED HOW TO SAY FUCK IN FRENCH.
:DD

Clearly my mind is a bit scattered this evening. I'll stop this maddness now.
Work tomorrow followed by amazing retail therapy. :)

I need to know that these people exist;

Here is why today was a great day.

I had to get up at mofo o'clock today for work.. and I had to do dining room, which is not my favorite. But awesome people like Jackie were there today. It really makes me feel good when I'm working with an awesome team like that. Anyway, I got to eat and expired souflee and part of a Valentine cookie. So that was tasty. And I had coffee and soda and fruit punch and got hyped up on sugar and caffiene, which made me super awake.
Also I got called "muscles" several times at work today, which is very amusing and delights me each time.

Then when I got home I put on a cute outfit and went to class and my ipod was BANGIN on the way there because my new playlist, entitled- FLOBSESSED (which has very few MOR songs, and then other songs I am obsessed with) was happening.
And I saw this dude... and I texted Jordi this:
Me- I JUST SAW THAT CREEPY GUY FROM OUR ACTING CLASS AND HE HAS A REALLY LONG BEARD LIKE SANTA OR A HERMIT.
Jordi- Thank God you're alive.
...I enjoyed that. :)
Class was boring as per always, but he let us out 15 minutes early and LO AND BEHOLD I FINISHED THE SUDOKU.
And then I went home and ate a PB&J, some cheez-its and some ice cream.. and I drank some diet dr pepper.
Its a good life.

In other news, I applied to go on a networking trip to NYC with the J-school (PLEASE GOD LET ME GET IT) and also I am currently reading 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky, which I just had to get my hands on after seeing & LOVING all the quotes from it people post on tumblr.. and next I am reading 'An Abundance of Katherines' because John Green is amazing.
These books are both in my presence right now and I am quite pleased about it.

I'm really tired. Like, my head is spinning. Buhhhhh.

365 thoughts (6)

Thinking about the past, sometimes I feel like going back there. In my mind I make it better, I block out the negative and remember when we were carefree and happy and up all night. But then I look at the evidence; a letter, a photo, a saved text; and I realize how much better we are now. The time we shared together was a season wrought with pain and heartache and stifled growth; it was a time when we were all so unsure and were too afraid to say anything that mattered. But now we have separated and grown and had a chance to come into ourselves away from each other and we are so much happier. Even though it may not always seem like it, this is better.
Where we are going is so much better than what we left behind.

365 thoughts (5)

In escaping to an imagined world, you & I found something real. Something unshakable and treasured and sacred.
But with you, in the real world, I found something false and fragile. Something so easily torn and shaken to its very core that I will not be surprised when the tide washes it away.
The change of seasons.

365 thoughts (4)

It really is all about loving people and being happy. Life is what you make it, and if you don't make it happy, you won't be happy. Its simple as that. So take your normal, monotonous, boring days and make them into days filled with adventure. Take some risks. Be spontaneous. Look around yourself and appreciate where you are. Make some moments for yourself. Fall back in love with life.